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I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
12 September 2016 @ 08:31 pm
fb has become such a toxic place. I can hardly stand to be there anymore. Yesterday when Clinton had her health scare, all I saw were horrible memes making fun of her, or just tearing her down. I've learned in my 7 years on that site to just keep my mouth shut about politics. It's just not worth it, and when has anyone ever changed anyone's mind about politics in the comments of a fb post?

I decided to go on a fb hiatus until the election is over and I think when I go back I'm just removing everyone that I don't know personally. I have so many right winged crazies from my childhood on there bc I lived in Alaska and grew up in an evangelical home. I'd delete my profile altogether if I could. But it's how I share pics of my family with my parents and sisters.

And why can't fb just be about that? Share pictures and life events? When did it get so bogged down with memes that I feel like I'm drowing in the worst part of reddit?
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
13 January 2016 @ 10:25 am
So we’ve been doing fine weather wise this winter. El Nino has been keeping us warm and p much snow free … until Sunday. I have the better car, so on snowy days in the past my husband would take my vehicle to work. His is a stick that I don’t know how to drive. This was never a problem before bc he worked midnights and would be back home in the morning for me to use my vehicle if I needed to. Now he has a job that he works 50% from home and the other half he drives up to Warren (a city north of Detroit). This week he’s been going up to Warren and taking my car, which means I’ve been stuck at home. Last time I left the house was Saturday night to get some groceries before the storm.

I feel so isolated. And the sad thing is I’m not so sad about it. I’m just, I guess this is how it has to be. Which is worrisome, because I’ve gotten used to being a hermit that it no longer bothers me.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
15 September 2014 @ 10:13 pm
With the daycare closing and a lot of free time on my hands lately (the kids are back in school and it's ON's slow season, so not a lot of hours to give away) I find myself wondering what I want to do with my life.

Yeah, the idea to go back to school came up, but what would I go to school for? Education? I literally (and I say this with all honesty) am a dummy when it comes to anything to do with numbers. The last math class I took was in 1998 - a one credit class that was supposed to be for dummies who needed help and I got a D. Granted I didn't really take college seriously, but all the same I don't get it. I don't get math. My brain isn't wired that way. So, finishing my degree just probably isn't an option. What else ... take some education classes, so I can get in good with a daycare? Last time I applied for a daycare they said I wasn't educated enough, even their helpers had an associates.

Sam has been encouraging me to write. As of now I only write fanfiction for fun and it's not as if I think I'm any good. There is that Clearwater story that's been on the backburner forever. Maybe I should try to write it and see if I can get it published? I'm not sure I can create a whole new world, but writing about my past experiences ... I can do that.

Anyway ... just thinking thoughts. My brain is full of worry these days, wondering what to do about my future.
Current Music: MGMT - Flash Delirium | Powered by Last.fm
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
07 September 2014 @ 09:17 pm
I know no one ever comes here anymore (myself included), but it just seems pointless to start another blog somewhere else considering I have so many entries here and a few followers who might read this. I tried a blogspot and wrote about four entries, but meh ... like I mentioned, what's the point. I don't have followers there and there is some comfort in the fact that I have a few people here that might read this.

Anyway. I decided to ditch the daycare. It's a bit sad when I look at my downstairs and all the effort I put into making it look like a classroom and all the things I purchased and did to get this thing going ...

But it wasn't making enough money. I had one regular client who went down to one day a week and a new client that was one of those that needed me every once in awhile, but it wasn't enough. Plus the tax thing was just killing me. We owed 1200 last year to the government and who knows how much we'll owe this year. I told the new client and he already signed up with a new daycare, but I haven't told my regular yet. I'm anxious about that, because I watched her for over a year. I feel bad, but I have to do what's best for my family.

So, I'll be going back to work at ON more regularly and then maybe come January I'll start taking some classes here and there. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm 34 and it's not easy starting over, but we'll see what that future holds for me.
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Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
12 April 2014 @ 04:06 pm
I suffer from anxiety.

It can be something that assaults me mildly with a quick stomach flip flop when I think about having to talk with others I'm not very familiar with. It can make me stupid as I over think something simple, because I don't want to get it wrong ... and then of course, get it wrong. It causes me to forget things that are normal and commonplace, because I'm worried. My mind goes blank and for a few seconds I can't think straight.

This is the mild form of my anxiety.

The deeper anxiety doesn't get to me all that much. Usually I have a freak out every couple of years. My last panic attack happened two years ago when I ran into an old fractured friendship unexpectedly at my job and was forced to make conversation with her, because she was a customer. Afterward, I ran to the bathroom and hyperventilated.

Today I had a panic attack. I was working with a manager I don't think likes me all that much. Where she greets my younger co-workers with a wide smile and high pitched voice of happiness. I get a mild nod and some forced conversation. I don't know why she doesn't like me. Believe me, I've thought about it a lot. As someone who hates being disliked, I am very upset that she treats me differently. It's not anything overt, just little hints that I pick up on. Well, today she put me as back-up on the register. I'm not so great on the register. I get nervous and that anxiety, like I mentioned above, makes me forget things I should know. I especially get nervous when opening up a credit card for someone, because I maybe do that four or five times a year. I was opening up a card today and forgot that the customer also wanted to use a coupon. I called on my walkie for help and my manager replied, "What is it, Christina?" using a very condescending voice. I told her and she made her way up there, was rude to me in front of the customer about my mistake and walked off.

I could feel the anxiety rising in my chest. My fingers started shaking and it was all I could do to hand the customer their receipt without losing my grasp. There was a prickling on my chest that I knew was the color red spreading from there, up my neck and soon to my face. As soon as I was done, I raced to the bathroom and cried. I was humiliated. It took me awhile to calm down, but I did it, because I had to hold it together for two more hours of my shift. When I came out my co-worker assigned to the fitting room asked about the splotchy red on my neck. I told her I had had a panic attack, but didn't fill her in on why.

When my shift was over I went out to my car and cried again. This is what anxiety is like for me. It's all encompassing when it devolves into a panic attack and here I am hours later, still feeling drained.

I hate my anxiety.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
05 March 2014 @ 08:55 pm
My son has this thing where he will repeat a phrase over and over. It's part of the whole being autistic thing and while he's at the higher end of the spectrum there are still things that remind me every day that he's on that spectrum. When he was younger it used to be just one word. Usually he would say it when he was mad or upset. The word 'Red' was a popular one for awhile.

Now that he's six he says phrases. For awhile now it's just been the need to tell Sam and I that he likes us. He'll just come up to us usually several times a day and say "Mommy (Daddy)." and we'll say, "Yes?" and he'll say. "I like you."

It's nice. I guess if this is the phrase he's hooked on now, I'm glad it's a nice one like that.
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Current Mood: okayokay
Current Music: St. Vincent - Your Lips Are Red | Powered by Last.fm
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
24 February 2014 @ 09:28 pm

Adventure Time is always one of those things I justify liking, because I have two kids. Never mind that we don’t have cable, so I have to dl each episode we watch. Not exactly … hey, I’m gonna walk in this room the kids are watching TV in and maybe enjoy this cartoon with them. Still tho I make it something the three of us do together. New episodes get downloaded on the weekend and we watch.

Well, today I knew there was going to be a Simon Petrikov (The Ice King - his back-story is my favorite) centric episode and after I finished my dinner (the kids were still eating) I tip-toed away to my room where we have a TV that gets mediocre reception of the Cartoon Network. It’s one of those fluke things. Sometimes the cable (we pay $20 a month for basic) screws up and you get channels you don’t pay for. Well, while my kids were finishing up dinner, I watched Adventure Time without them.

Clearly I am a very mature adult. Also send help.

Current Mood: nerdynerdy
Current Music: Gorillaz - 19-2000 (Soulchild remix) | Powered by Last.fm
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
05 February 2014 @ 09:28 pm
So, I decided that I would try to post here more often. I need a place to come to where I can say things that I can't anywhere else. I'm on tumblr far too much and I can honestly say I am not really on a first name basis with anyone there. I'm a bit tired of it tbh and even if no one responds to me here at least I can say things on LJ that I can't on tumblr or fb.

I decided to mess with my journal style and discovered that I had a link that said The Sam to my Dean and it linked to a person that hadn't updated in two years. I can't even remember the last time I watched Supernatural even and that's who Sam and Dean are from. So ... here's to new beginnings of blogging.
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: Ani DiFranco - Subconscious | Powered by Last.fm
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
16 October 2013 @ 09:11 pm
I'm thinking of starting another blog somewhere else. I have things I want to write, but coming to LJ just isn't my thing anymore, since it seems everyone else has moved on. Does anyone else use any blogging sites?
Current Mood: blankblank
I'm a Pixie, I'm a Paper Doll, I'm a Cartoon
14 August 2013 @ 09:45 pm
Tomorrow I was planning on watching my Mon-Thurs 4 y/o and my Thurs 1 y/o as usual until I got a text from my other clients' mom who I watch every once in awhile (usually 3 times a month). She told me when her husband would be dropping her 1 y/o and 3 y/o off. I was shocked. We had never agreed to this date as my calendar didn't mention me watching her kids

So, tomorrow will be a challenge. I've never watched both 1 year olds at the same time, plus add to that my own two kids along with the 4 y/o and 3 y/o. Ugh. Both of these little ones are very needy, mostly never taking naps except when they fall asleep while I'm holding them. At least I'll be making money and then Friday I have no one. It's my only day of the week where I don't work, because I still am at Old Navy on the weekends.

Anyway. Today my daughter wanted me to draw her Marceline from Adventure Time to go along with the Finn and Jake craft we did a few days ago. I couldn't find a decent coloring image of the character online, so when Audrey asked if I could draw her I took up the challenge. I used to draw a lot up until I was 22 and then I just lost interest. Lately I've been wondering if I could actually draw anymore and, so I thought maybe I'd try with the vampire cartoon character. This was the result. idk I thought w/o practice that I did okay. Maybe I'll try something a bit more difficult next time. I feel bad that I let something I did for so long, go dormant.

Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: The Civil Wars - I Had Me a Girl | Powered by Last.fm